Today, I've been talking to a brilliant lady by the name of Jean Flynn (if you're a big fan of Danger Mouse or films like The BFG you should have an idea of who she is!), and we've discussed my script. Key thing here:
SHE LIKED IT! I can't begin to express how happy it makes me knowing that an industry professional from a returning studio (Cosgrove Hall) likes my film. I'm not expecting Jean to suddenly tell me she wants to make a feature length version of my film, but it's a good step! We've also gone over a few crucial changes that'll help ensure my film fits in the 3 minute limit, and help things seem more understandable. Not to mention, there is much more character confrontation and interaction.
SCENE #1 EXT. WASTELAND. DAY.
There is a wasteland that stretches out as far as the eye
can see. There are a few dead trees scattered. One healthy
looking tree stands among all the dead trees.
ASH (NARRATION)
"We live in a dying world."
THE DARK WARRIOR cuts in to the healthy tree. He holds a
hand over the "wound". An otherworldly glow emits from his
hand and a scream can be heard.
ASH (NARRATION)
"This new threat, The Dark Warrior,
travels the land, sapping the power
from the trees. But without the
trees, we can't survive."
ASH's spirit materializes, he witnesses the tree's death.
ASH (NARRATION)
"Now he has eyes on our last hope;
The Great Tree.
ASH's spirit quickly flees.
SCENE #2 EXT. NEAR THE GREAT TREE. DAY.
ASH is floating through the land towards The Settlement.
ASH (NARRATION)
"My tribe rests at the foot of The
Great Tree, it provides us with the
energy we need to survive."
ASH arrives at the settlement.
He is seen arriving at LILY's house. ROSE can be seen
leaving through the front door as Ash passes through the
wall.
SCENE #3 INT. LILY'S ROOM. DAY.
The floor of LILY's room is covered in thick blankets. A
single small table stands by the window of the circular
room. A single red flower in a glass vase is atop the table.
LILY is lay asleep on the floor. She is quite late in her
pregnancy.
ASH (NARRATION)
"I gave up my physical form to
strengthen the tree, prolonging its
life, for the sake of my wife Lily
and my unborn child, Hope. But were
my actions enough?"
Ash floats through the wall. He kneels down beside Lily. He
looks at her stomach and smiles, placing a hand on her
stomach.
ASH
"I'm sorry, Lily, but I need your
help."
Ash places his hand on Lily's forehead. A slight glow emits
from his hand.
ASH (NARRATION)
"I've seen your future, and it's a
living nightmare."
SCENE #4 LILY'S VISION, THE GREAT TREE. DREAM.
Lily sees a vision of The Great Tree in flames.
She watches in horror. Ash's voice calls out.
ASH
"Lily, we can stop this! Meet me at
The Great Tree!"
Lily sees THE DARK WARRIOR stood beside the burning tree.
SCENE #5 INT. LILY'S ROOM. DAY.
Lily awakens and sits up quickly with a gasp.
LILY
"Ash?"
Lily looks around hopefully, but Ash is nowhere to be seen.
Lily quickly stands, a look of determination on her face.
She leaves the room.
SCENE #6 EXT. SETTLEMENT. DAY.
The settlement is considerably small. Most of the buildings
are buildings single floors with only a single room. There
is a central well.
ROSE is walking away from Lily's house.
She turns to see LILY running through the settlement.
ROSE
"Lily? Where are you going?!"
LILY continues running, not stopping to explain. Rose looks
confused.
Rose looks towards the great tree, she spots The Dark
Warrior making his way towards it. Rose gasps in horror and
sets off running.
SCENE #7 EXT. SETTLEMENT EXIT. DAY.
Lily is running along the plane between the settlement and
The Great Tree. The plane around the settlement and The
Great Tree is quite desolate. In the distance are mountains
and a few small trees.
LILY
"I knew what's at stake, and what I
must do."
LILY slows down a little, struggling. She looks behind her
to see ROSE approaching
LILY
"My life has been spent in fear. My
past will not be your future. If I
could wish for one last thing it is
a future where you can smile."
ROSE runs behind Lily, she is quite far away.
SCENE #8 EXT. THE GREAT TREE, FRONT SIDE. DAY.
The Great Tree stands in the middle of a gigantic plane. The
tree itself is equally humongous. It stands on top of a
narrow chasm that prevents access to the back side of the
tree for those traveling on foot.
Lily arrives at The Great Tree. On the other side of the
gigantic tree she can see The Dark Warrior.
LILY
"Please! You must stop!"
Defiantly, The Dark Warrior approaches the tree.
LILY
"No!"
Lily drops to her knees in exhaustion. She realises that her
attempt to reason with The Dark Warrior is futile. She
places a hand on her stomach, a single tear rolls down her
cheek.
LILY
"I can stop this. I'm sorry, but I
won't be a part of your future."
Lily turns to see Rose approaching
Lily's spirit rises out of her physical body, emitting a
bright light. This causes Rose to trip and fall.
As Lily's spirit rises her physical body begins to fall
backwards.
As Lily's body falls it bursts in to tiny lights that float
towards The Great Tree, however a ball of light where her
stomach was remains.
Lily's spirit places a hand on this ball of light.
LILY
"This will be my last gift. Goodbye."
Lily floats away, passing through The Great Tree.
SCENE #9 EXT. THE GREAT TREE, BACK SIDE. DAY.
The Dark Warrior approaches the tree. ASH appears in front
of him, arms outstretched to defend the tree.
LILY
"Ash!"
A spirit of Lily floats down from The Great Tree. Flowers
sprout beneath her as she floats towards Ash.
Ash turns to see her, he smiles.
Lily smiles back at him. She nods. Lily quickly floats to
the opposite side of The Dark Warrior, facing towards Ash.
Ash and Lily begin to float around The Dark Warrior in a
circle. They both begin to glow brightly.
Tree roots begin to grow under The Dark Warriors feet. They
wrap around his legs, ensuring he cannot move.
Ash and Lily begin to float higher. This causes more roots
to burst from the ground and grow higher. The roots begin to
close in the form of a tree.
Ash and Lily begin to circle higher and closer until they
are close enough to embrace.
A roots encircling The Dark Warrior begin to close up more,
and are shaping to appear more like a tree.
A bright light emits from Lily and Ash.
SCENE #10 EXT. THE GREAT TREE, FRONT SIDE. DAY.
Rose picks herself up off the floor.
ROSE
"Lily?"
She notices the ball of light in front of her.
Rose can hear the muffled sound of a crying baby. She walks
towards the ball of light.
A patch of soft grass grows beneath the ball of light. The
ball of light falls slowly towards the ground.
The ball of light disappears as it touches the ground,
leaving behind a baby.
Rose picks up the baby. Lily and Ash's spirits appear in
front of her with smiling faces.
Ash smiles, he steps forward.
Lily steps toward Rose. She puts a hand gently on Rose's
cheek.
Tears roll down Rose's cheek.
LILY (PROJECTED VOICE)
"No tears."
Lily looks down at the baby. She looks back up at Rose.
LILY (PROJECTED VOICE)
"Her name is Hope. Will you care
for her?"
Rose nods, a tear rolls down her face.
ROSE
"I will, I'll never forget you!"
Lily smiles. The spirits of Ash and Lily fade away.
ROSE
"I'll protect Hope for tomorrow.
Thank you."
THE END.
Here's a few crucial changes, in case you didn't pick up on them:
-Ash is the only narrator now! Jean thought (and I agreed) it might be a little confusing if there was more than one narrator, so Lily's segments aren't narrated any more.
-Several dialogue segments have been cut shorter to be more succinct, more understandable, and basically shorter!
-A few bits have been added to make the scene transitions more obvious, simple things like Ash actually arriving at Lily's house in Scene #2 and Rose being introduced in the same scene.
-Scene #4 is shorter, but still makes sense.
-As I mentioned, Lily's narrated segment is no longer narrated, so it's been re-written to be more appropriate for present tense. It's also been split up slightly to add more urgency to the scene, with Rose approaching fast in Scene #7. It adds to Lily's level of determination.
-Scene #8 has cut out Ash, instead the conflict is now between Lily and The Dark Warrior, as Jean and I felt it was equally important that the characters were introduced to each other. Lily's situation is made to be more desperate in this scene, she is pushed to exhaustion which leads to her drastic action. Again, no narration from Lily!
-The crucial "this will be my last gift" line, the very line that inspired my film's title, has been re-positioned to a more appropriate moment.
-When Lily's spirit leaves her physical body, her physical body no longer collapses to the floor. I actually discussed this bit with my tutor and he thinks that having her body simply crumple was a little to violent (particularly from a standing position). Now, she is already near the floor as she is on her knees, and her body fades before it hits the floor. This seems a little less violent to me, and doesn't imply death quite so harshly as Lily doesn't actually die.
-It's still only implied that the glowing ball is Lily's baby at first. I feel that even if the audience misses this at first (although I've tried to make it as obvious as possible), it's revealed at the end anyway.
-Scene #9 now starts with Ash appearing in front of the tree, guarding it from The Dark Warrior. Apart from that, this scene is pretty much the same.
-Scene #10 went through a fair few changes to limit the dialogue. The way my tutor saw it, the scene in its original state would've been enough to make a 3 minute film in itself. So, a lot of the dialogue was cut and instead things have been left to emotional, wordless actions. There's a bit of dialogue from Lily, but I thought it'd be cool if she had a ghostly projection voice, rather than actually speaking.
And there you have it!
On a side note, I want my film to end with a message. I haven't done a research page on it yet, but incase you didn't pick up on it my film is heavily inspired by the film FernGully. FernGully ends with a simple message, "For our children and for our childern's children." Basically, it's a film about humans harming the environment, and the message is that if we keep doing so eventually the world will die. That simple message makes us think about the possibility of bringing children of the future in to a world that is dying.
My film has a similar message, and I want my film to have a written message at the end too. The idea is to add to the same message from FernGully, pay it some homage.
"We only have one world, "For our children and for our children's children," Let's make hope for tomorrow."
I told you that earlier post would make sense.
